I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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