And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
