I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
