I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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