I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
