dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
