haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
