She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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