I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
