I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize