Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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