We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
