i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
