I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
