just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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