Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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