she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
