My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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