I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I sprained my soul last night
sex in a hospital.. check
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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