chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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