i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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