i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
