I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
