i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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