Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Rumble strips road head = magical
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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