i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
