Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
