all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
