I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
