Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
