Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
