theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
