apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
