dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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