Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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