like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel great
I just peed on a car
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
