Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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