You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I deserve this hangover.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
