i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
