Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
