i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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