I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
