After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
