you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
