Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
