This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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