what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
