I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
