is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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