Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Someone shattered a urinal.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize