just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
