i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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