You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
being pregnant is like rehab
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
