this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
