he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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