shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
