R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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