I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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