Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
