you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
