DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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