I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
