I got chris browned last night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
