I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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