Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
