But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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