3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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