You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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