I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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