We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
