Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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