I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
bring money and cleavage
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I AM VODKA MAN
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
