She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
