dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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