I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
