There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
