broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
