I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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