I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you had me at cake vodka
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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