I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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