In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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