whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
