I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
