Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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