So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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