just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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