We're like a lot better than the average bears
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
