Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
we're so committed to being not committed
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize