Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
